I Am

I am 18
And rebelling
Against no
You can’t
A girl
A loser
A people like me
And because
I am 18
Always and forever
The hurt
And confusion
Are forever
And me
And I
Am them

I am 30
I am the tears
For my today
And the fears
That are tomorrow
I am the loneliness
Of not belonging
And the longing
To belong
To anyone
And to be allowed
To listen
To that still small voice
That cries alone
In the harsh reality
Of the bright and shining future
That will never be
And be me

I am 40
Only ten years gone?
But not doing the driving
Destination who knows
Who even cares
The drug to chase the pain away
Chases everything
And you
You don’t care
Not good enough
Smart enough
Rich and successful enough
But who is doing
The defining
Not I said the
Horse cow rabbit duck
Not I said the
Mommy wife executive
busy little worker bee
Then I will
Laughed the face of reality
That isn’t

I am 50
Half a century
The down hill side
Maybe not
It’s not my decision
But it is
My choice
In 50
I have found
My voice
My metaphorically balls
I got a pair
And now
I know
When to use them
When to break all the rules
and when
to gently bend them
In 50
I am all that 18 30 40
And are
And dreamed they could be
And more
I have learned
From you, my hero,
To find that still quiet place
In me
All i need to do

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