On putting yourself last

Tears in the darkness
in silence soak pillows
sobs shake
the universe
and screams
fill your mind
indecision races
your heartbeat
to overcome the dizziness
from way before dawn
to long after sleep
realization that
when everything is a priority
nothing is a priority
and in the nothingness
you are the least
of the priorities
of all of the least priorities
and you know
that all you need to know
all you need to do
is just meet every milestone
meet every deadline
meet every single need
that keeps piling up around you
from everyone everywhere that needs
and you just need to know that
all needs are needs and all needs keep coming and
nothing is ever eventual and everything is now or yesterday
you have to remember
if not you
if not now
then when
and in the end
when your flame has dimmed
and a new candle
has taken your place
no one will realize
will anyone even care

feed your own flame
find your own resilience
if not you
if not now
and the hour you take
to walk it off
to clear your mind
to feed your flame
does nothing
but make
your own flame stronger
take your time
feed your flame
find the solace and the peace
and breathe


April Wells

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