Shivering
watch my hands
shake and dance
stress shivers
beneath the table
I find my ways to rock
mustn’t show
no one can know
it’s obvious though
to me at least
brain screaming
failure
stupid effing failure
worthless and nothing
will ever make it right
still I laugh
at being the butt of the joke
because I’m a dope
it’s how I cope
painless?  nope
irrelevant though
bathroom stalls
amazing places to hide
to fall completely to pieces
I long for the anonymity
of a different floor
no time
no rhyme
no dime
payphones no longer exist
bolt the door
hit the floor
sobs galore
shiver and shake
quiver and quake
rock to the music
that’s all in the mind
and in the silent stillness
comes
nothing but questions
cold water hides the worst of the damage
avoiding eyes the remainder
pop two pills
for the headache
that is all that remains
and
back to faked
normalcy
again.

April Wells
4/1/16
NaPoWriMo… day 1