Catchpenny

her whole world
washed out and gray
lacking all luster
to make it through the day
nothing she did
helped her heart shine
she wore no smile
I tried to give her mine
superficial beauty
kissed every feature
her heart was frightened
a lonely creature
yet in the quiet darkness
beneath the shine of the stars
she came to understand
her dreams matter as much as ours

I love yous…

She never said I love you
Doubted she probably never would
I thought for years
It was only me
That the defect there was mine
I was, after all, the one who broke the crayons
Evil child
Inconvenient child
Unwanted
Detested
Different
Broken

Not quite smart enough
to know when I was sick
Not quite pretty enough
no not like the golden child
I was always
the one full of drama
the one
who never fit in
mistake
misunderstood
longing to matter
even just
half as much

His love
Was special love
Not told
No never
Always only shown
Special touches
Special hugs
Secrets never told
Humor covers
Insecure confusion
And still
Defective
Broken

Even now
with all I’ve left behind
all I miss
all of the fears
that fill my days
even now
Not quite
good enough
to be bothered with
i know
I get it
i see

Never told I love you
Never shown ever as good
never ever as good
— why can’t you be more like…
Never accepted as me
Never as good
Never enough
Never seen as me

Retrospect
I see
Why
Hugs matter
Why
I love yous matter
Why
Never could I judge
Why
you can be whoever you want to be
Why
I will, to my dying breath,
let you know
that I love you forever
I like you for always
and no matter what
either of you do
my babies you will always be

I love you.

Crayola Box

Sometimes I wonder
what your crayon box
looks like
you seem to color your world
with hate
and anger
and misunderstanding
you’ve chosen only
to use
two or three of the colors
in the magical Crayola Box
your world
must be
a dark and scary
lonely place to be

As for me
I’ve chosen
to color my world
with peace
equity
understanding and love

I don’t have to
like you as a person
respect you
or your contemptable hate
think you are right
believe your beliefs
or kiss you

What I do chose to do
is respect your right
to be you
to include you
in my circle of acceptance
and tolerate the differences you are

I chose to color my world
from the giant 128 color
Crayola box
to try to include
everyone in this beautiful wide world
within the beauty that I know there is

I hope some day
you can find your way
to try even one new color
before you find yourself alone
and colorless