fear and confusion
alone and cold
toes on the precipice
of today
and tomorrow

the year behind
far and away
alone and lonely
warm and tired
frustrated and successful

getting here
the sum of the past
with my own Avogadro’s number
to just make the equations balance
becomes today
become me
if one had been different
where would I be
who would I be

from here
stepping off
into the unknown
the fear
that makes me want to vomit
sit down
where I am
curl into a ball
and cry

you are strong
you are my hero
you are… whatever you are…
all I want to be able to be
is enough

Author: April Wells
Updated December 28, 2015


Swiss Cheese

Fear chews holes
in your brain
and heart
caverns connect
in the labyrinth
you get lost
in the
where lives
the half light
not quite darkness
where everything
like sour
mud from swamps
it rots









What is the weight
of one flake of snow
of one grain of sand
of one thought or worry
one lie
one insult
one more hate filled word

What is the weight?
of one
when they build
one upon the other
when you have heard
enough hate
to fill the beach
with sand
to fill the mountain
full of snowflakes
the weight
is simply
too much
for one heart
to bear.

But courage
and love
a touch of trust
and faith
when kissed by the warmth
of a loving smile
can melt the flakes
can dune up the sand
and give
a beautiful sanctuary
in which to find
quiet respite.









Wrapped in my shawl
and fear
and regrets
I sit
with my thoughts
like so many snowflakes
tiny in themselves
they pile
one upon the other
at last
they tumble and crumble
and crush everything
with their inconsequential weight
who knew
that one little regret
one thing
that should have meant
would add up
to crush

the cold
sucks all of the
until everything
is leached away
when even the memories
or warm sun
on smiling faces
fades into shades
of cold hard white

and all I can do
is sit in the quiet
in the dark
and regret.


Things, they say
they aren’t anything
but things
And the part of me
the rational quiet part knows
that the words they say
the facts
that are facts
are true
in the things
in the sounds
and tastes
and textures
the memories
trapped there
The walls have ears
I guess they say
but what no one seems
to grasp
they have not only ears
but a voice
I can hear
from when this was given
that was bought
or what was happening
The fear in me
that if I part with the things
I part with the memories
and the rational logical voices
just don’t understand.

Fear for a First Love

I see the love you have my dear
in the eyes with which you see
Devotion and understanding there
but are you missing that which is me


Passion and devotion hand in hand
For you my darling is free
But do you understand the love
trapped in my heart for thee


The stars in the sky
shine down from above
and light the passion
fire of our love

I pray that which I feel for you
deep within my heart
is strong enough my darling dear
to see we never part
I fear, my love
some day you’ll see
the lack I know within
and you will set me free
<<< Response poem in an AllPoetry contest.  Poem was in response to this poem.  I don’t usually try to do a rhyme sequence, but it didn’t turn out as badly as I was worried it would>>

The Taste of Hate

Hate is bitter
and cold
tastes like bile
cherry chocolate chip ice cream
and raw pasta
crunched between
spitting lies
chewing sweet grass
the poison
the apple
seeps within
withering everything it touches
is beautiful
and artificial and
as biting cold
International Falls in January
The emptiness of the soul
pushes everything away
and destroys
everything in its path
Fight the urge
to dwell
in the darkest
and loneliest of places
reach out
to yourself
and find

The Love of Fear

the taste of fear

like right beside the heart

next to the love

underneath the joy

there is where there is fear

Fear need not be bad

it need not instill with it

the hate that bites

into the soul

taste the fear

learn how it feels

and smells

and when the day is done

know the fear

accept it

embrace the colors of it

when fear becomes

a friend rather than a foe

then the joy

and the love

tastes all the sweeter


The words
As thick as chocolate
Melted in the bottom of my carry on
Stick in my throat
Threatening to shut off
The breath
My voice
My life
The world
Bitter are the chocolate words
I long to spit out
Onto the ground
All over
The pretentious shine
On your facade
But they have taken root
Glued shut
The doors of my heart
Sticking my tongue
Fast to my teeth
Gagging me
From the inside
Leaving the thoughts
Screaming in my brain
And through it all
I smile

Ragged pages

Tear the pages from my mind
Wrench the ideas from my soul
The world is a colorless place
That sparkles in the gloom
See the teardrop drops
The feardrops
Feel the raindrops
know the cold of the pain drops
As the words that bite
Leave no mark on the skin
The plea for understanding
forever goes unheard
Take my pictures and my words
Leave only
The ragged tatters
Where the pages have been torn